Usually, we hear about mindset in regard to money and the law of attraction. I really think there is such a strong link between adaptive mindsets in fertility and the abundance/lack mindset.
What is the abundance mindset? The abundance mindset is choosing to believe wholeheartedly that everything desired by you has the ability to happen or for the situation to present itself.
This can be challenging because the fertility journey can be so much about numbers. We really have to do the work every day to remind ourselves that there are, in fact, an infinite number of ways to become a mother. I have to ask myself, “What am I open to right now?”
Many options presented themselves to me during the TTC process. The opportunity to adopt, the opportunity to use donor eggs, the opportunity to use donor sperm, the opportunity to choose which donor I wanted, the opportunity to choose my doctor, the opportunity to co-parent with my best friend.
At the time, I have to admit that these choices did terrify me. They weren’t what I specifically wanted so I saw myself in a lack mindset.
These opportunities I am grateful for because it meant that the Universe was, at least, not forgetting about me. Universe, I’ve got to tell you that family building can be stressful! Let’s acknowledge this!
To Go or Not To Go?
According to babydoppler.com, the practice of welcoming a new life into world originates back to Egyptian and Greek civilizations, but as you think about it, it makes sense that ancient cultures would have some practice celebrating and welcoming a new life into the world. Some argue that modern day baby showers arise from wedding and bridal events, but I like to give more credit to the old cultures whose existence was much more tied into the cyclical and rhythmic events in life. I often find myself admiring the collective intelligence possessed by these ancient cultures!
But baby showers are really hard for those going through infertility. And women process the significance of it much differently than men. A woman is likely to think about how what she doesn’t have is being celebrated right in front of her face, and men are more prone to think something like “Well, congrats, mate. I’m happy for ya.” (I just hear an Australian accent for some reason!) Women and men see the situation completely differently.
When I was working with a coach during the TTC process, I was advised to not go to baby showers if it was going to be upsetting to me. On the flip side, others also advised me to go so that I could be around all that baby energy.
So which is right? Hard to say. I don’t think there is a correct answer. If you feel like you have a choice, which is excellent because I think that is half of the mindset battle, then choose the option where you know you are going to feel best.
What did I decide to do about baby showers? I used their registries to buy gifts online and picked out cards from a local shop…and I sent my gifts with someone I knew who was attending the showers. Done and done. I don’t feel bad about not going and feel like I made the best choice at the time.
I know there are warriors out there who are going through infertility who are also hosting their best friend’s baby showers, and I want to acknowledge that whatever you choose will take a lot of courage. Either choice will be ok in the long run. Just remember that if they are your true friends, they will understand if you opt out! Guilt as a motivator behind actions doesn’t really work.
I have heard some stories of really strong warriors hosting that baby shower for their bestie while struggling through their own TTC journey. I hope that you don’t find yourself in that position but if you do, it may not seem like it, but you do actually have a choice in what you want to do in order to feel how you want to feel.
So yes I blew off a baby shower to go on a nearly two week vacation with my niece. I designed that intentionally. I was going to explore the mother’s energy space by being the most fun aunt that I could. We divided our vacation time in visiting friends in Charlotte, NC and Clearwater, FL. It was such a great road trip with my 11-year-old niece– with plenty of opportunity to stay in that mothering energy space while still getting to feel like a cool Auntie.
Back to abundance mindset. It’s also about being vibrationally matched to receive. Now if this sounds way too smoke and incense here, I love the pizza example. It’s why pizza or food commercials are in practically every commercial break while watching the game on TV.
Do we really need to see the steam and the crunch of the chicken breading as the cooked chicken is being pulled apart?
What about the shot where the pizza slice is lifted out of the pie and that long string of cheese is still stretching when the next shot comes in? Some focus on the crust being flaky or doughy or again with the steam, and you’re prompted to think about what that combination of cheese and hot tomato sauce could taste like and suddenly you’re like, ”Wow I wonder when’s the last time I had pizza” or “What am I having for lunch today?” or what they all hope you would say, “I think I might get that pizza tonight.”
Were you thinking about the taste of that pizza? There’s such a strong relationship between mind and body. You’re almost – almost – tasting that pizza.
That’s amazing and yet reminds us that we have to be so careful with thoughts we think and what we tell our bodies if we are tasting pizza right now.
A great thing to do to encourage a mindset shift during the TTC process is to journal out all your doubts and what comes up…get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Getting it all out of your head and onto paper releases the thoughts and then you could do some affirmations to fill in with some new thoughts. Rinse and repeat as necessary!
There are so many opportunities for doubt to arise. Having a great practice from the get-go will help you for sure in your fertility journey.
Easy Exercises for Your Fertility Journey
Short Gratitude Exercise (2-3 minutes)
Check-in emotionally and write one or two statements around(Careful! Doing these daily change your outlook on life).
- What are you grateful for today?
- What are you proud of that you did today?
I’m soooo excited to hear about what changed for you after doing these exercises for 21 days? Please leave a comment if you noticed any changes after doing these exercises consistently! Can’t wait to hear from you!